I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
