I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
