You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
