I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
