Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize