if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
