i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
