I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
