i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
