We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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