I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
