i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
