At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
