so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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