I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I want to fling myself into the sun
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
