drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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