"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
