Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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