she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
my poor anus
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
