im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
