I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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