just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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