Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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