Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
