did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
