Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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