Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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