This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
