and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
