i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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