Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
