ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
