You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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