And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
