I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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