he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
