I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
