I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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