when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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