Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
