i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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