I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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