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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Call me "white mamba"

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake

  (251): View more from Alabama

  It is white.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays

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• (858): View more from California

  this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl

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• (845): View more from New York

  I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  Are you high?

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• (518): View more from New York

  So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"

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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.

  (281): View more from Texas

  Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"

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