the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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