got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
