Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
