I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
