i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
