five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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