Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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