Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
