I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
