The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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