If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
