You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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