I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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