Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
