haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
