I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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