Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am never drinking with the goths again.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
