I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
