you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
