I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
