But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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