my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
