false alarm. still invincible.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
