After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
