God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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