I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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