we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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