did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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