Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
