He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
do herpes really smell.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
