I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
