Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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