Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we made out on top of his cat.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
