I'm gonna have a badass scar
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
