There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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