Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I fill condoms, not promises.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
