watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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