2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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