Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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