my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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