One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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