oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
