That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize