its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
