He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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