The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You pole danced in your parka.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
