Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize