Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
