there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my shit smells like andre
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
