omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
