I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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