Swine flu. Run for my life!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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