Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
