Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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