We're facebook friends in real life
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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