i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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