I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
