I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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