Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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