she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize