She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
