two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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