Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I supernannyed him into submission
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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