There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
