Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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