i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
